Social Acceptance Versus Self Acceptance

The_art_of_pretending__by_NonnettaWe have often heard about ranting of social victims regarding rejection from the society. They claim that they are the individuals of the same society therefore possess equal social rights and concerned authorities and common public should not neglect them. This is what we call ‘social acceptance’ that they demand from society as being the citizens of the same social system.

The neglected citizens of society broadly range from social division on the basis of economic status, gender, physical or mental health, sexual orientation or anything that makes someone less respectful among the people. There are numerous human rights organizations working for the uplifting of neglected segments of society, and their social acceptance through public awareness campaigns on local and international level. The aim of such movements is to strive for the rights of the unfortunate victims of fate and society, through collective effort and mass support.

In my opinion, social acceptance is not as much needed to raise the self-esteem of the social victims of fate. Contrary to the popular struggle to gain mass acceptance, self-acceptance is more crucial for one’s dignity. Before we ask and expect others to accept us, we should develop higher consciousness to accept us of who we are regardless of the unfortunate circumstances that make us that way.

Self-esteem is linked mostly with individual state of mind and being than the outside environment. Similarly self-image is more important than the world view of yours. If a mental health patient considers him/herself as an unfortunate victim or an undesired member of society, he/she would never overcome that stigma, not even if his family and social circle accepts or welcomes him to contribute in society. Likewise, if a rape victim reaches to the point to end her life deeming she has no place to live a respectful life in society, she will never be able to convince herself to start a new life with a hope and determination.

Therefore, before we desire social acceptance we should strive to attain a mental state where we truly accept ourselves without any discrimination or biased opinion about us. We should first kill our internal fears and prejudices in order to face the world with firm confidence and stand in front of society with dignity and pride.

We do more harm to ourselves by considering us lower than others in respect. By doing so, we give up all our rights and put ourselves at the mercy of society. We beg for social acceptance because we don’t get it from ourselves. Once we work internally, create harmony within and conquer the battle with the self, we come up with a new clearer self-image with high esteem and don’t need others to provide an opinion about us.

We are empowered to meet all social challenges by finding beauty in the wilderness. This happens, when we accept our fate and forgive ourselves of whatever happened to us and find a new perspective of looking at things. By doing so, our misery appears smaller and we land in the world of unexplored opportunities simply by making weaknesses as our unbeatable strengths.

When life takes something, it empowers us with a new blessing and strength but it is up to us whether we dwell upon the miseries and make it the center of our lives or we find the sparkling ray of light in the darkness and focus all our energies on that. For instance, Schizophrenics and bipolar people are blessed with immense creativity which they can use to introduce world to a great work of art.

Any person can make a significant contribution through his work in society regardless of their sexual orientation if he accepts himself and ends the internal battle with fate. Sometimes, we indulge in finding answers of complex questions through our limited reason and ignore the endless opportunities that nature brings before us.

In my opinion, self-acceptance is far more important and should be more desirable than social acceptance. The victims of fate and society should first create harmony within and attain internal peace. I am optimistic that they can win any social battle if they decide to come out of their victimized self-image and choose to be a significant and productive member of society. They should and must accept themselves so that no one else can reject their noble existence.

~ Umair R. ~

Originally published in Journal of Pioneering Medical Sciences (JPMS)


But Keep on Dreaming


I wonder if there is a place where all of our wishes come true, as soon as our mind desire them. Think of an A grade in exam and you get an A without putting much of an effort. Or you dream of a new model of BMW at night and next morning, you find the desired brand new car in your garage with keys hanging on your door handle. Can life be that dreamy? I know, it’s not and it can’t be. But just for a while, let’s ‘dream’ of a society where such miracles actually happen. Where wishes and dreams come true without praying to God or struggling for them!

Human life revolves around the pursuit of the dreams, ambitions and desires. Students work to get good grades while teachers work to get paid well. Mother spends her whole life to serve her children while father works hard to feed his family and to earn a comfortable life for his kids. In corporate world, employees work to get a monthly salary and a promotion at the end of the year, for that matter they spend 8 to 10 hours pleasing their bosses while the bosses with a suit and tie, do nothing but bother to maintain their reputation in front of the big boss. In this mechanical social cycle, one serves the other and in return gets served by someone else. For instance, your driver is your servant who gets your orders and keeps saluting you on his duty but at home, his wife waits to make him happy by any means. That helpless wife simultaneously spit her anger on her children and those children bully younger kids on streets and in schools.

In short, the wheel of society runs by getting orders from one side and giving to the other. Please the authority and get pleased by subordinates. The powerful has right to make laws for those who have to abide without questioning them and the powerful is above the law (this is what actually happen). And we all do this to earn our living. Of course, a man (who is a driver) doesn’t always like to salute his master or the maid at times may desire to get served by someone. But we do our duties to endure our life. And this is how this social system sustains itself.

We dream and desire and work hard to make our dreams come true. The entire purpose of living is to struggle for our dreams. But what if we don’t have to struggle to make our dreams come true? There would be no servant and no master. Nobody would like to travel via public transport if everyone could afford a car and a driver. But the question is who will make the car? And who would wish to become a driver? Would we like to go to the farms or villages to get vegetables for us? Or we should train ourselves for a haircut?

In this world, there is a majority of people who do what they don’t like. Not because they choose it for them but because there is no other choice left for them. The society decides professions. Whether one has to become the servant or the master? And that is the core principle on which this world of power revolves. Therefore, realistically, there would be no place where dreams come true by our own wishes. We have to achieve them through either honest struggle or unfair means. The unevenness and inequality in society is what keeps it going. We need sweepers, barbers, farmers equally as we need teachers, musicians and cricketers. It’s just that some of the occupations get massive respect for what they do perhaps they deserve it more because they have pursuit their dreams while others do their work only to sustain their living on the face of earth without getting enough respect and acknowledgement because they have not chosen their destiny and they don’t have time to dream.

Umair R.

My World Within


I'm Complete

                 I adore this silence..
                That introduces me..
                     To my real self.
                     Where I can feel
             The warmth of my breath
             And the voice in my heart
              I am alone and free with,
         Chaotic thoughts & Wild Dreams
            That I don’t need to explain
             This is the kingdom of Self
             I’m the King & I’m the Slave
                  They think I’m alone
                    I say I’m complete.
                 I carry my world within.

Relationships for the Sake of …..?


Changing Relationships

Just ended up watching Bollywood new release, “I, Me aur Main” it was a simple triangular love story of break up between a unwed couple and both guy and girl find new partners and things moved on. Soon after first breakup, the girl gets pregnant and chooses to deliver the child even if its father doesn’t take responsibility. Well, then there’s typical Indian masala goes on.. What enticed my interest was the climax of the movie. I was not surprised to see the guy (hero) decides for a patch up with ex-girlfriend because he was emotionally touched by his mom’s words. Instead, the decision of girl (heroine) was quite interesting. She was of opinion that if they could continue to live together just for the sake of baby then their differences will remain the same and chances are there it would end up as divorce. She doesn’t wants to give a stressful family to her baby, therefore let her ex and father of her child, go and marry the woman he loves. At the end, it was shown that both of the parents are raising the child and spending time with her separately and his new girl friend happily accepts the baby.

Well that’s cute. But I was thinking if it could actually happen in real life? Can woman lets father of her child go to someone else happily? Can both parents take care of a child while being with their new spouses? Can new spouses accept the child?

Are our values actually changing to this extend? or such stories are seen on big screen only. What we see in reality, is most of the parents live together just for the sake of children, they don’t opt to separate because of social pressure. They sacrifice their happiness to look as a happy family. Is the scene changing with modernity? Time will witness that.

Changing Family Dynamics in Modern Times


Changing family dynamics in modern times

Making others understand what you think is always difficult especially when you’re somewhat bothered with their opinion about you. Or sometime, you just want to win the argument with your sister, colleague or friend to have an edge on the on-going discussion. Let’s talk about the family here. Hmm family is still a robust institution of eastern society when escalating social, psychological and economic factors are abating its traditional roots. The structure of an eastern home has also transformed catering to the changing family norms, resulting in frustration for the elder members who are reluctant to the change and at the same time, for young individuals who are desperate to adapt new civilization model.

This family chaos not only affects the overall functioning of the institution but also endorse the existing stereotype perceptions about new generation. HOW? Let me elaborate that in easy words. An adolescent or a young boy who gets up for college in morning, hits gym, goes to cinema, dines out with friends and spends hours on internet so that’s how his lifestyle is. He is brought up in the same culture. It doesn’t mean he is not concerned about his grades or career. He is often judged as irresponsible on the basis of his activities in any family argument. An elder gets an edge at this point because using Facebook for 2 hours is useless and it makes sense to any sane person.

Now, let’s take other situation. A housewife and mother who spends most of her time in household stuff and for most of the women, television is the only entertainment to spend leisure time. Mostly she watches morning shows, or drama so that she could relate herself with those characters depicted on the screen and gets emotional boost. It’s her lifestyle that she adapted over a period of time. We often find husbands blaming their wives “what you do whole day? Just sit at home and watch TV” or frustrated wife yelling at husband “You spend all day out, How do you know about domestic issues”.

Ironically an intelligent techie kid who experiences world wearing 3D glasses, uses smartphones and believes in virtual relationships fails to fit in this traditional model of family. At times, he feels alienated in the orthodox system. He loves and respects his mom, dad and siblings but loses his temperament in explaining himself and giving justifications for his actions. He loves the artificiality and glamour of modernity and dreaming to see him there. He can’t help if he prefers drinking Coke over Orange Juice. Similarly, if he chooses to go out with friends on weekend rather visiting uncle’s house with family, it has nothing to do with morality or mannerism.

So, it’s about our brought up, lifestyle and environment that shape our personality and traits. We make our daily choices on the basis of the influences of what we see around and exposed to. Using Facebook could be as boring for a typical adult as reading newspaper for a young person. Problem arises when we judge others on the basis of our own perceptions and put labels on them because they fail to fit in our standards of morality and decency. There are many factors responsible behind any character. Understanding those factors can make you develop a better understanding about a person. But it happens only if you’re genuinely willing to understand, cooperate and accept him the way he is, otherwise it’s more convenient to make a false image.