Enjoying Solitude

Loneliness, Solitude, myurbanphilosophy, life, love‘The loneliness’ is a scary word. Nobody would want to end up lonely. We need people to find meaning in our lives, to appreciate us, to celebrate the moments of joy and share the sorrows.

We don’t want to spend time with ourselves because we are too busy in our social lives. We make plans of social gatherings with friends before the arrival of weekends. While at home, we get engaged with television or music. Today, the smartphone is our best companion.

It seems we hate our own company. We don’t like to meet with ourselves. People who do self-talk in the form of writing or poetry or if someone plays an instrument or paint – any activity that used to please us, is now meant to be public. Its worth is evaluated in form of ‘likes’ when put on social media. And the art which used to do our own catharsis makes us more depressed if not appreciated on social media.

Yesterday, my family went back to our home country and I’ve got some alone time here. In fact, today is my first day with solitude after a very long time. I am also like you who never want to be alone. I am also scared of loneliness like everybody is.

But something different happened today. I actually enjoyed my day. The day was spent in the usual activities but there was no external noise. I used to ‘think’ when living with family but today I could listen to the voice of my thoughts. And the difference is clarity in thoughts. The silence in environment calmed down the nuisance in my head. I achieved peace of mind and found myself quite relaxed even without doing any meditation or any such activity.

Solitude is not bad if perceived and treated properly. I am not advocating to live alone but rather loving our own company more than we love others’. I think we could be our best friends. And this friendship will be a lifetime one.

Blessings.

Umair Raheel.

Image Source:

https://thewalrus.ca/the-benefits-of-solitude/

 

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A Break from Routine Improves Mood

Today I went out of the way of my nature. I watched some football, played Bubble Shooter on phone, and watched some Tedx videos. I never used to do that. I have been in a low mood, and in a feeling of despair. As I am unemployed at the moment and the irony is I don’t want to do what I was going. I was not enjoying jobs that I did. I changed a lot of jobs and careers with the aim to find my calling. In this state of confusion, I got into depression and developed a sense of failure. Getting failed in something is not worse than not knowing what you should do.

So, today I decided to go against my nature. Therefore, I watched some football. I don’t know anything about the game. I just know that group of people of two teams kick a ball from foot to get a goal. and Goalkeeper is there to stop the goal of opposite team.

I couldn’t watch football for more than 10 minutes. So I downloaded Bubble Shooter. I knew about this game because one of my colleagues used to play it at work 8 years ago. She was fond of this game. I was attracted to it because of colorful balls and a cool ambiance.

Surprisingly I really enjoyed the game and continued playing for 2-3 hours and cleared 50 levels successfully. It developed a sense of achievement and refreshed my mood.

Then, just before writing this post, I watched two inspirational TEDx videos on Youtube. And from there I got excited to write something about my experience of the day.

I started the day with the usual feelings of despair and disappointment and got into a happy state of mind. I realized sometimes going against your routine and trying experiencing something different activates part of your brain that releases good chemicals. I don’t know much about neuroscience but from the psychology point of view, I could surely say that it really helps. And there is certainly no harm in trying it.

Umair Raheel.

Why I stopped posting on Instagram

I had been posting my poems, writings, and some photographs and graphic designs (which i create sometime) on Instagram quite often, in the past couple of weeks. Since I don’t have many followers as I am not the active user, therefore, I need to rely on hashtags to reach to maximum number of people. By doing so, on an average my posts get up to 30 likes (so far).

Like other Insta users, I also want to reach to maximum number of people and I want my posts to get maximum likes and comments. Therefore, in this hope, I compulsively open and check Instagram to know how my post is performing.

The problem is not with the post itself, but my compulsive behavior to check again and again and desiring to gain maximum likes. I seek attention and approval of others to ‘like’ my post to evaluate and make me realize the worth of my writings. And of course, when I get less likes, I get badly disappointed and get into a depression. People who write, must be aware of the fact that we as writers, are attention seekers, we want appreciation of our work; we want more readers who encourage us rather criticize. We usually don’t take criticism even it is for our improvement.

One more interesting thing which I would like to mention here, that some posts which don’t perform well on instagram (which don’t get more likes), are liked by some writers who write so well and have more followers. When I check the profile of those writers, I get astonished and surprised that this post (which don’t perform well on insta) is liked by these writers, and I tell to myself that why would they like my post as it is so unworthy and shallow.

I, like many of us, evaluate the worthiness and value of the post, be it writing, photograph, or a selfie (in which you are looking so great and you have selected this picture after taking many photos to ensure you are looking best in this) by the number of likes or comments by people who don’t matter to us, who may not be the expert in this field, whose opinion may not matter in the first place, who are  NO ONE to judge your work. But just on the basis of number of likes you feel good and confident about yourself or you hate or make bad about yourself.

I don’t know how long would I be able to refrain myself from posting my work on Instagram, maybe it is just a timely feeling, but I am sure that if I keep posting my work there and seek attention and approval from other people in form of maximum likes, I would start feeling unworthy and it would increase my insecurity and hurt my sentiments that every writer attaches to his/her work. I appreciate feedback from people who really know my work and their feedback could potentially help in improvement, which would not be determined by mere ‘likes’.

Would appreciate your comments on the topic.

Thanks for reading.

The Suppressed Pain

bleeding-pen

The Suppressed pain is often bled in writing because it is the only path which allows blood of sorrow to flow and reach its destination. ~ Umair R. ~

 

Image Source: https://johnpavlovitz.com/2015/08/02/thank-you-for-bleeding-a-love-letter-to-writers/

You’re the Pain that I Enjoy

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You are the pain that lingers within my bones,

You are the blood that flows in my flesh.

Like an unsaid musing, or incomplete poem,

You are the conflicts in my head that often clash.

 

The baffling mystery which I seek to solve,

The murky treasure that give me a thrill.

Like stormy winds which starkly revolve,

Or like a peaceful lake which remains still.

 

You’re the secret which I can’t unfold,

Enchanting, delightful and the bold.

The chemistry between us remains vague,

But the conflict can’t make the tie break.

 

The image of yours, I have in my head,

May not resemble with you as I said.

You will remain pretty and adorable,

Nothing can make you less desirable.

 

~ Umair R. ~

Image Source: http://worldartcentre.blogspot.ae/2013/05/woman-abstract-painting.html

The Best is Yet to Come

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Don’t settle for the less
The best is yet to come
What’s this haste for,
Just to have some,
When you can get more,
Because you deserve better
Why to choose less.
Be patient and wait,
And have faith,
The best is yet to come.
~Umair R.~

 

Image Source: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/daniella-whyte/highly-optimistic-people-_b_9803338.html

Mob of Self-Worshipers

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I don’t fit in the society

that is clustered by,

the self- worshipers,

exposing their perishable selves,

to seek validation from the peers.

In return, praising them like,

trading the appreciation.

Rather,

I pursue something more meaningful,

than the mere appearances,

Something that is substantial,

which makes you unique,

Your art, your individuality ,

making you distinctive ,

in the mob of similar beings.

~Umair R.~

Image Source: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/161144492895723885/

There is a Way !!

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In the gloomy night,

Directed by the moon light

There is a way.

In the dark clouds of sadness

There is a ray of hope saying

There is a way.

Beneath the disappointed face,

See the hidden smile,

Which is ready to cherish.

Followed by the rough winds,

After the thunder storms,

There comes the sunshine,

Whispering softly,

Don’t give up,

There is a way.

~ Umair R. ~

Image Source: https://pixabay.com/en/light-in-the-dark-tunnel-hope-1872961/

Show Me Your Soul

na-glavnuyu

 

Show me your scars
On the soul
That is not visible
by the naked eye

Show me your pain
That
You hide so well
beneath your smile
Show me the wounds
On your skin
That disappeared with
The passage of time
But
Which still bleed
In your writing

Open up your heart
And Tell me about

Your fear and insecurities
Share with me
Your haunting thoughts
That don’t let you sleep
Introduce me with
The monsters that reside
Inside your head
And..
Show me your body
Every shattered piece
That has a story to tell
Unfold yourself
Layer by layer
I want to see
Your real self
Put off that mask
That you wear
In public
Tell me,
That you are not strong
As you appear
That you are empty from inside
And need to be filled
With care and affection
Admit it,
That you need me
Believe it,
You too deserve love.

~Umair R.~

Image Source: http://brw.md/art-proekt-show-me-your-pain-a-chto-est-vasha-bol/

Knocking at the Same door

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Why do I go there

Knowing,

There’s nothing new for me

Why do I knock at the same door

Over and over again

Knowing,

It will not be opened for me

Nobody is there to greet me

Then,

Why does my heart build

Expectations,

Maybe to get disappointed

Over and over again

Each time,

In different ways..

By different people

I don’t know..

Whether I belong to that place

Whether it owe me anything

But also,

I don’t know..

Where do I belong to exactly,

To the place where

My ideal resides

Where my eyes see

Materialization of the dream

that I saw in my youth

where emotions and feelings

Blossom even in rough times

Where there is a support

And a shoulder to rely on

Where love is appreciated

Without any discrimination

Where I am free to express

What I feel

Where,

There is someone to listen

To my rants and grievances

Where I won’t be judged for

What I have experienced

Willingly or unwillingly

I don’t know..

Whether such place existed

In this physical world

But,

My heart desire

To go to that place anyway,

By all means,

I will keep knocking at that door

Over and over again

Knowing,

Only silence & disappointment

Would greet me

Every time,

With more intensity

With more sincerity.

~Umair R.~

Image Source: http://balint4.deviantart.com/art/The-hope-light-in-darkness-288324388